Ep. 4: More Money More Problems

Welcome to another episode of Black Girl Fly. I'm your girl Tenisha Nicole and I'm Tashaunda Dixon and we Talk about what are we talking about here? millennial wealth demystify that we demystified demystify millennial Well, yeah, I like that. Yeah. So we demystify millennial wealth. And today we're gonna be talking about more money, more problems, Mo Money, Mo problems. So, yes, there is so very much to cover here. And I don't know, where do you want to start? Because I mean, there's so much to talk about, oh, my god, there's a lot there. I guess for me, I would start really with the idea. We were always taught, we need to make more money. Right. I could speak so much about this. But growing up, I was like, I gotta make all the money. I'm glad my numbers were a lot lower. Oh, no, I always had a goal of six figures by 30. Really, always. I grew up and I thought $50,000 was a lot of money. I was like, I just need to make $50,000 Well, I mean, considering what our mom raised was much less than that. Yeah. Fifty thousand was technically a lot of money to us. But I do have to say thinking about it though. I didn't change that number till I was like graduating college and they offered me some money until you made more than No.

And so they said, Hey, we're gonna pay you 37 my mom just graduated. Yes. So yeah, I mean, I don't know, I don't know where my number came from. It was just totally an arbitrary number 100,000 Did you know like, did you know people who made 100,000? And you're like, yes. Or it was just to be honest, I never know knew how much people made until I started working in finance and I had access to people's salaries. So how were you? How were you at that time I was in college. It was at an internship. So I was probably about 20. Wow. Well, we'll No, that's a good point, though. Because I know when I started getting into finance when I first started working with people and their finances, I thought, you know, hey, you know, this is a good amount. And I started seeing the people with the problems who couldn't pay their bills. And I was like, okay, maybe I need to make more. That's not working for them for them. Yeah.

Leaving the Nest

So funny to me that like we can see how much a person makes but we have no idea what their expenses are. Yeah. And so we make those snap judgments based on what they're making, but not necessarily what you know what their monthly obligations are. You know what I was thinking about it. I actually didn't know how much was a lot of money. I was buying cars. This is what this reminds me of. When I graduated from college. I actually my mom came to visit me and she was helping me get started right. So she lived in Tennessee at the time and I was moving to Texas straight out of college. And I was driving her car can't remember why. But her car broke down. Inside the highway, and she, so I just been looking for jobs. And I got an offer letter, literally three days earlier. And I go to the car dealership, and mom's like, we need to get cars. Well, she's like, well, I don't want to get a car and then in your name, and then you're not going to be to get a car. So we need two cars. I didn't work. I didn't have a job. I didn't start yet. I had my offer letter. So you get to the car dealership, and the sales rep is like you can afford $30,000 Wow, that was the first time someone took my income and told me like what I can do. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And by the way, my offer letter was for 41,000. And you could afford $30,000 Wow, yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. And I feel but that's that is crazy, but I feel like that's actually how life works. Yeah. And you know, when you don't know that you go and take $30,000 You know, when you only make 40 and you actually haven't started making but you make those crazy decisions because you're not aware of the implication.

Conflict of Interest

Well not only that, I think the important thing that I took away from that is especially as I progressed in my financial career was that I didn't realize the conflict of interest in a salesperson telling me how much I could afford to go off on a little bit of a tangent but like that's kind of my issue with financial advisors is like they not all of them, but a lot of them their job is to sell you the products so there's two types of financial advisors one is fee based and these people don't make Commission's on they don't make money unless you make money. No, no, no, he based on fee based, they it's a service that they're giving you and so they're charging you for the service, but that only accounts for a very small segment of the market and financial advisors. The Other portion is commission based, so they only make money when you're buying products. And that to me is such a large conflict of interest. That is a conflict. So there there are things like the fiduciary responsibility, but which means that they have to put your finances as priority. Yeah, yeah, it's your best interest the clients best interest. But I still think that in the back of their mind, they're like, I mean, I was in insurance and investment. I was like, I have to make a sale. You have to you gotta eat. Yeah, it's like a real estate agent, like a lot of these things, right, that are based around these huge financial decisions are actually salespeople when they should be more. Well, you need to have some advice or some type of advisor over that process. Yeah.

More Money = More Expenses

And so getting back to that really, more money, more problems. That's one of the reason you have more problems, because more people think you can afford more. Yep, yeah. And they're pushing it on you. Yes, yes. So because you mate you are making more money. You are now expected in many cases to spend more. And I think that the big one because it's not just your cars and your insurance and your investments, but it's your wardrobe. Yeah. It's what you wear to work, right. It's your makeup your hair. I mean, you're supposed to be more put together professional. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, I cannot tell you how much money I've spent on clothes over the years, like, working different jobs. Now that I'm entrepreneur like, literally, I rotate. She likes t shirts. I like free t shirts. Yo, I got free beer. So just like now my wardrobe is so simple. And like I can do that though. Because there's nobody checking for my clothes. No, because you know, sometimes I'm just working for my baby. No. Cuz I couldn't do that. Well, yeah, I think that's a good point. And so when I think of more money, more problems, you know, Biggie was talking about You know, people coming after you and that plight, but I think there's an additional plight of the expectation being raised as well. Yeah. I mean, if you live in a certain neighborhood and here are your houses cost a certain amount, but also your electricity, your utilities have gone up because the house is bigger. Perhaps people are more critical of your yards. Yes. landscaping Yes. And the type of car you're driving like, all of that comes in seconds. Yeah. I mean, no, just something so simple as I had an employee one time, who saw car I was driving, Ford, Ford Fusion. And she saw my car and she was like, and by the way, this is someone who report to me, right? She was like, Oh, that's not really a boss's car. Yes, but but but how do we get past that? How do we how do we go from societal expectations, to really control and making sure we're not creating more problems for the money that we have?

Living Within Your Means

I mean, the time of my life on where this was true for me, it's kind of more true now. But when I was first graduating college like, I was broke, broke, broke, broke, broke, like, I'm pretty sure. I was making like under $20,000. It was about I went to my mom like mommy to make sure she do better. I was living in DC, I was legitimately under the poverty line, the poverty line was $20,000. And I was living in the heart in DC. Doing the most, but I traveled like four weeks at a time like I was going out to happy hour, but I was not accumulating more debt, which is the weird part. So I mean, how I did it. I don't exactly know but I did know a lot of people in the city so when I would go out like I wasn't spending a lot of money because I didn't have to pay to get in and I didn't have to pay for drinks or whatever. But I was very economical. When I was traveling, like I was staying in hostels, like I was making my meals when I was there, and, you know, so I made it work, but I only did that because that's what my budget constrained me that, you know, that's a big one. I didn't even have a credit card back then.

Yeah, no, no, that I think you said something in the what's your budget constraint? You too. I think that's real for me and looking at this. This reminds me of, I always had that financial goal, right. Like, I was like, Okay, I need to make 50,000 and then I forgot to do like, Okay. 75 will be good. And then I was like, okay, 100 now, and then now you like I need 150. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. But but it's all about what your life looks like. And you have to realize you have to acknowledge I think no one said this to me, but you have to acknowledge that your your finances is what constrains you, and and being in this consumerism, environment where you where you are Facebook Instagram site, you know, sign

Teach a Man to Fish

But let's get a little bit more real here because you're not even like that. And you still feel broke every time you get this increase. So there is always for me, there's always somebody need. Why does somebody always need money for me to play split? Nice? Yeah, she is to listen, don't miss my face. They don't even ask. They don't ask. I didn't say I said they need, right. So that's what I feel like. I am a firm believer that the only reason I got here was through God's grace, amen. And that he has afforded me an opportunity that everyone didn't get. And not just financially but the people around me. The mentality. I mean, Mom, even though we were poor, she was a grinder, right? Like she was gonna make it happen. And so I have a tendency to try to Be like those people in my life who gave me a hand up. And so I didn't ask. In those situations, I had a teacher when I was in sixth grade. And to tell you a little bit about my story, I couldn't read. I was in sixth grade. And my mom worked all the time. I was in daycare, and I was actually probably the older kid in the daycare. And so the teachers weren't really trained to help me or equip me in the areas that I needed help. Right. This was way younger, like before we had these literacy levels, like it was kind of, yeah, it was more like babysitting, then yeah, Ching. Exactly. daycare was like that for us. Exactly.

And so I had a teacher Mr. Little, I'm still looking for him. He might be gone by now. But he I happen to be placed. My mom put us in a school that we're supposed to be better. And I was placed in at the time the school was having this experimentation on grouping kids on the basis their skill level. And so they had divided the the student base of sixth grade sixth grade, yeah, sixth grade. And they decided that they're going to put the kids who were smarter in a class, they're going to put the kids who had like behavior issues in a class and medium kids in another class. So they were like three to four classes, and they were divided in that way. And it was my first year to the school. So they didn't know about where I would fit. So they put me in the dance kid class, and I struggled. I was like, these kids are smart. I don't know what they're talking about. And my teacher, call my mom, I'll never forget this. Mommy's coming to school with these high water. I was so embarrassed. I was so embarrassed. But, but she came to school and the teacher was like, Look, your daughter's behind. He's like, I'm on keep it real. She can't read. She's okay at math maybe. But she hasn't done the things that we've done. And he said I'd like to work with her. for the school year, I'm going to hold her back from recess. I'm going to ask her to stay after school, before school for a little bit. So our buses got there a little early. So I'd go and work with him during the school year.

And for three months, he worked with me, I didn't do recess. I went to his class early and worked on stuff. He had me do an extra homework to get concepts that were before and in three months. I not only learned the things that I didn't know, but I surpassed the people in the class. He called my mom back after three months and he's like look, the shop has been lost. Nobody was paying attention to her. This girl is bright. You need to take her out of this and put her somewhere where people can work with her. And my mom was like, I got no money. I was single my mom was working in like okay, I think at that time you're talking about mom was working multiple jobs. We didn't even live with her during she was doing 18 hour shifts. 18 hour shifts. We have moved to the burbs I sort of in our school was still in the city. So we lived with our grandparents during the week with the month of March. And God knows who else. And I'm pretty sure that houses like maybe a two bedroom, three bedroom. We lived there during the week because our mom worked. And then on the weekends, we will go home and it kind of felt like a vacation because we had a pool. Yeah. Yeah. And the apartment complex we lived in. And from there. So when we talked about opportunity, Mr. Little didn't have to do that. He had 18 other kids in his class, he could have ignored me and passed me on like the rest. Yeah, right. And he really focused and he gave me the opportunity when my mom when he when my mom said we couldn't afford it. He said you can make away. Right? And he worked. He and I came up with a list of schools that were really good schools. And that's how we ended up going to private school.

And I'd say more but I think we can talk about this in another episode. But throughout that process of learning Leaving that school to get into the private school, there was so much grace. Mm hmm. Girl there was so wishing at that point in early 2015 is somewhere between 13 and 15,000 a year. And this was in the 90s, late 90s. By the time I had graduated in the late 2000s, the tuition was 18,000 a year. In I mean, I went there also for five years, we didn't pay them. We didn't have a dime to pay, we did not have a dime to pay. And that was that was definitely grace all the way. But so you did say two things.

Getting back to our topic about more money, more problems. You say you never have money because you're always giving it away, which is accurate, but the scenario you just described, was not necessarily about money. And that's really I want to hone in on that because it really is two ways. Well, there are multiple ways that you can contribute but that story that like is such an important story to you is not about him, giving you money. It's about him giving you time, his attention his energy. And so I mean, I would just challenge you when you want to give somebody money. Like, really think about it because I think of the saying, teach a man to fish right now. It's really about teaching that man to fish rather than giving that man fish every day. And I would say to you, in the last two years, I have focused tremendously on not doing that as much and really pay time in give lessons, you know, where they can learn to fish for themselves, and quite honestly, it's harder to give your time. Time is our biggest asset. Yeah, Lord have mercy. And if you are giving somebody that that is the highest honor, like for real, but yeah, sometimes it's easy to give money. Yeah, but sometimes that's what people need, like we needed money to go to private school. That's just the fact. So some generous donor paid our way through that experience. So yeah, there's definitely a place for everything. layout.

Spend Less than you Make

So thinking about our topic, Mo Money, Mo Problems, how you kind of talked about how it has affected you in your journey? Do you look at it differently now you're in your 30s. Like, now, are you making the most you've ever made like what what is your scenario? Yeah. So I am making the most by far that I've ever made. I'm living that's interesting, though, is I have not really adjusted my lifestyle. And that was very intentional. And by that you mean your expenses are low. So actually, to go back to the current example, I was buying a house here in Charlotte. And they told me you could afford X amount of dollars. I was like, Whoa, that's a lot of money. And I actually bought a house that was probably 20% maybe 15%. This girl was complaining about paying them Are you paying more in rent in DC like for people? But what that has allowed me to do is I pretty much say this out loud. I can't flow everything. Last year, we had some legal things that we were working out. And I was like, Oh, I have to pay that. Right. But that's a Mo Money Mo problem thing right there. You got legal fees like, no, but the person you were fighting legally, they didn't have as much money. And they did not. Yeah. And I would tell you, by the way, in that case, if they had a fourth of the money that I put into it, they could have won, they could have won, but they didn't have the money to fight in the same fight. Really? Yeah. That's interesting. So I will tell you that right now. I would change that subject. It's not more money, more problems. It's more things you're responsible for. more problems. So thinking back to that, though, I was at a point in my life at one point where I had a lot of debt. And I was thinking, Hey, you know, I make more money, my numbers were going up. And so I was accumulating more debt, and I had a lot of problems. But now I really live a different life. I don't have the dad, I don't have all those things. I have a lot less problem. That's a really good point. Because my life is so very simple right now. And I do not have a whole lot of problems. Yeah, like, I really don't when I had a lot of debt. You're right. I had way more problems. Like if I were not, you know, if I were to lose my job or something, that would have been a real problem. Yeah, right. Yeah. Because I have all those responsibilities. But now I don't have a car loan. I don't have a mortgage. I don't even have rent, right. So So yeah, no, no, let's just talk about that though. For me, work that. I think that that work thing that you just said is important. I actually think sat down with my budget and I was like I'm buying this much house because all hell breaks loose. I can doordash I can Uber, I can lift and I can meet all my needs. Yes. That's so important. Yeah.

My Money Philosophy

So I mean, I agree like I now when I think about money, I would definitely structure it in a way my lifestyle in a way where I have some type of passive income coming in that covers all of my living expenses. So now you're getting that word financial independence. Yes, yes. Yes. And so I think that that's one thing that we didn't talk about, like growing up this is a new word for me in my adulthood is that and people I think misconstrue that to be something else but financial independence means I don't have to depend on my work. My ability to do work to to meet my needs. Yes. The hours that I work to pay my bills. Nope. Yeah. Yeah that I don't I was introduced to that where maybe two years ago well like it really I had no concept of it when I think about it I would have to say I learned about it in my stint in primerica when you're selling it. Yeah. And it's funny though, because I didn't even learn about that. When I went through I went to the stage right out of college where I was all about finances. Everybody was telling me about debt and savings and paying it off and, and 401 K's nobody told me about financial independence and I was actively seeking that information and you were working in finance. Yeah. I had a Bajaj finance.

Humble Beginnings

Because my story's different. Like, I didn't even understand the concept of a loan. Yeah, like when I was going to college and I was signing the paperwork for the college loan. I did not. I did not understand what that meant. Yeah, that that story is not your own. By the way. I had so many friends who was like, I didn't realize Then when I signed this, yeah, what they told me, right? I mean, I didn't. I didn't, you know, some people are like, No, I didn't realize it wasn't free money, but like, I didn't even understand like that it was money. I mean, I could go to the school, like I was. I was oh, my God, I had no car. And so I would take that back to education. Right. So you are now 18 grown right? We grown. You could drink not drink. You could smoke. You could gamble Ray. But you didn't know. I didn't know because I mean, I had no concept of money even though we were going to a very expensive school like I had never seen a bill like I had never like you didn't have to pay for anything at the school either. I didn't. I mean, I had a little side job because I had a car but I didn't pay for the car. I didn't pay for the car. I pay for the gas was the only thing I was responsible for and that's why I worked I didn't pay for my cell phone bill Wow. Like I didn't have I didn't pay for rent like I did not have a mom with a different i mean but I wasn't living with my father's so I felt guilty so yeah, so people tried to take care of me in different ways and different people contributed to those different things. Yeah, but it was all behind closed doors. No one was ever communicating that to me. Yeah. And that's how I didn't end up getting a credit card until I was like 22 when my first credit card and like most people get it in college. Okay, that might be good consider. No, I should not have had my mom had a target. Yeah, I didn't understand how that I'm pretty sure that went to bankruptcy. Winter Collection, okay, because I but it was my under my mom's name, but she gave it to me so that I could use it. I didn't understand that I had to tell her that I was using it so that somebody could pay it back. I didn't understand that. And I was definitely like 70 at this point. So like, really, I'm a late bloomer, when it comes to this whole finance thing. And, you know, I never had a lot of money until probably the last couple of years. And this year is the year for sure where I've made the most money. And coincidentally, I've worked the least. Yes, we're gonna talk about that in a different different episode. was definitely, but yeah, so that's kind of I mean, that's where I'm coming from. Now. I have a lot of knowledge pieces, and I'm piecing it together. Yeah.

Conclusion

And so if you had to summarize really what everybody should take away from this experience, you know, more money, more problems. What would that be? I think we made the point. It's like, it's not about more money, more problems. It's about more obligations, more responsibilities, draws in the more problems. So the more worry that you can streamline your life and simplify things. Like the better off you will be. And you know, the less problems you have. Yeah, no, that's good. I'm with it. Yeah. Yeah. So that's it for today guys. We are signing off. I'm Tenisha Nicole. I'm Tashaunda Dixon and we are black girl fly. Until next time.