Keeping Your Relationship Spicy (Part 2)

Introduction
Welcome to another episode of Black Girl fly. I'm your girl Tanisha Nicole. And I'm Shawna Dixon.

And so we have talked a bit on the podcast about romancing and you know, getting romance. But I think we should get a little bit more specific in that we need to give people some ideas.

How do you guys know, she was telling me that I needed to step my game up. So I think this is a great opportunity for us to, you know, hear how we just ever came up.

Okay, well, I don't have all the ideas over here, okay, so I can do what I can.

So okay, the backdrop of this, ladies just know that your man needs to be felt and that they are loved just as much as you need to be dealt with as well. And honestly, I'm gonna, this is my business game, I'm gonna put it out. You guys know this is what I do. I was actually recently having a conversation. And I never realized that a guy that I was with never felt attractive, like all grown up. And the whole, by the way, I thought he was fine. The whole time. But you didn't know that you were fine. Like he was. And he really, genuinely did not know. He didn't know. Wow. And so ladies, this is why it's important because you don't know what kind of insecurities, right? I mean, guys deal with insecurities, even though they don't talk about it like women do. Right? They definitely deal with insecurities, and it's your job to make your man feel secure. Right?

And when I think about men, like, I'm giving them a lot of credit, you know, in these episodes, I recognize that but no. But I mean, I feel like men have a heart we black women have it hard to but I do feel like men have it hard and they don't have a safe space. Like men don't talk to each other. They're down. Yeah, they're sitting in a room being quiet.

Like, in that they're bonding time. And so like they really have no outlet. And so like, I really do feel for men who are like, living these hard lives and going out into the world that hates them and then coming home and not having peace at home. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, that's the least we could do is, provide some sense of peace, some sense of desire, some sense of like reinforcement for those who are not getting it right. And there are a lot of people not getting it.

There's a lot even I was gonna throw this out there. I know. It's little jumped over the bridge a little bit, but even like Dayton, in this time, like, I feel like it's worse for men. Oh, yeah. Women are so self-consumed. Yeah, men are getting nothing. Nothing. In the beginning. I think I tend to be like imagining like

taking advantage. Yeah, I heard of this crazy story. And I'm wanting to say this crazy story about this, like only fans lady who she was accepting money from all kinds of men, right? But there's one man he liked, really felt like he was in love with her. And he would give her a lot of money. And he killed her, y'all. Like he found her and he killed her because she like was not as into him as he thought as he gave her lots of money that he didn't have. And it's like, they get taken advantage of. But like men in this dating scene, like with social media, women get a lot of attention. And I think it's hard for men. They're paying for dates for in most cases like it's expensive the day I would not be out here and see how they could afford that kind of money. Yeah. But anywho sorry to take us down that rabbit hole. But I'm just saying like, Let's carry some of the weight. Yeah.

Self Care for Two

So what's your countdown? So what is the thing that you would say?

So I've been studying love quite a bit over the last few months. But I think one of the things that I heard that sticks with me is like, love is like or like you being in a relationship is like self care for too. Right? Okay. So I think this is the easiest way to approach your, you know, romancing. And so if you're out getting yourself a cup of coffee, get your partner a cup of coffee, right? Like these are tiny ways. If you're out shopping, buying whatever, get your man and little son Son, like let him know you were thinking of him. This is the basic this is level one, level one. This is level one, but I think for like not a lot of women but for some women, they're not even doing that. And so if you ain't doing that, start doing that.

Level Two Romance

Okay, so in my relationship, he's gotten so used to it like it's rare that I get to for myself, I'm getting to for everybody else. Right? So I came home the other day and I only bought two For me, which is rare, rare, I never do that. And he's like, he looks back. He's like, Would you give me? But anyway,

but no, but I think that's an important point that you bring up his note that I say self care for to get you some to do something to both of you. So I think that's it. That's an easy entry-level one for folks. But I think the other things are like, I think this will probably level two. But like, when you're thinking about someone, let them know that you're thinking about them. It is very nice to be thought of. And it could be as simple as, Hey, how you doing or call in the middle of the day or whatever. Not a nagging call? not asking for anything, but it just simply you know, I was thinking about you. Or if you really frisky, you can send a low, you know, revealing pic,

like a PG pic. Okay,

yeah. So I mean, I think that's another way, what do you think about that one?

I'm like it now. Is this something that you do for people like you live with? So for me? So like, We sleep together, we

wake up? We, there are days ago, this is cold.

I don't want to talk to you like.

So let's, let's do the COVID version. So I think the COVID version could be like, essential. I mean, you could do like active service, something that they would normally I don't know if you want to do this, but just like take something off their plate, you know, something that you would normally ask them to do, maybe just do that. And be like, Hey, babe, I see. You know that you're working really hard. I just wanted to do this one thing for you. Oh, that's good. They'll set the expectation unless you go. Hey, I had a little extra time. I just wanted to help you out with this. I know you had a rough day today. I think something like that. Okay. Or even just like, you know, y'all are hanging out together, do something that he wants to do. And I know you talked about this a bit like, I want to know what to watch. Movies. I have watched that

movie out there. I'm just saying.

And I think it's helping your relationship. But yeah, and I would say don't do some of the things we would do with our girlfriends, like watch or talk their ear off about stuff they don't care about. Yes. So yeah. So I think those are a few ways. You know,

Level Three Romance
one thing that I do that I actually really love is extra level of intimacy. Why we shower together, and we wash each other? Oh, yeah, yes, yes. And like it's not just sex. Sometimes we do have sex in the shower. But

Can somebody explain that to me? That is the most complicated thing for another time.

But no, like, even like, having this time alone and watch. Someone is so intimate. It's so like personal. Yeah. And I love it. Like I actually know somebody what made me try it in just a Washington. Yeah, was there I had a friend who I was talking to. And she said that her husband actually did it for years. Every night they take a shower together. Yeah. And that was kind of their their time. I think that's a little excessive. Yeah.

Yeah, that's an interesting one. I haven't done that in relationships. But my issue y'all, Is the hairs.

Natural hair. See, you know,

that's why a lot. But yes, yes, I totally understand. I think that is a good way. That's a good way. You got any other suggestions on that? And when level Would you write that one,

though? What you did was a two this would be a 3.

Okay, stepping it up. Stephanie. Yes,

Show Him you're Thinking of Him

yes, yes, I do a little threes. What else? What else? What else? The thing that I struggle with? It is like the big gestures like, like, I found that as my relationship gets longer, that we don't do like the things that you do when you first started dating. Like we don't do the full official dates all the time and things Oh,

interesting. Yeah. So one thing that I do and I don't know if this is gonna solve your issue, but like, I don't wait for the grand gestures. And so like, I like to celebrate little things. Like if you know your man is like taking In a test or like going on a job interview, showing up with some flowers, right, that's kind of weird giving guys a guy some flowers, like ever given the guy flowers, but like giving them something, take them out to lunch after their, you know, big thing or send them edible arrangements. Like, there's so many little things, but I think this would probably fall in like, you know level to where we're talking about and showing you I'm thinking of you. Or it might even be a little bit more like celebrating them. Right? Just allowing them that recognition when they're trying and doing something that you see them doing that and like you recognize the work that went into getting that done. So I would say you know, celebrating the smaller things makes it easier to celebrate the bigger things and like to create that space because you're so used to having that already. That makes sense. Yeah, no, it is.

Romance Overdone vs. Romance your Partner

So one thing that I feel like is overdone is like the lingerie and the rose petals and that kind of thing. Is that overdone. Is that is that the guy

listen, I'm a lingerie queen. Okay, I am 1,000% Sure. Yo man don't want to see you in your granny panties. 1000 and I would say it's for both people. Like when I'm in my lingerie filling out sexy. Like I feel great. Right? Okay, and it adds a different flavor to the mix. Right? I feel so confident. I know. I look good, but it's also some eye candy for my man and some fun you know, you got bows and whistles and man and ties and all kinds of stuff that you could add to the equation. Let's spice it up a bit. What are your thoughts? I'm not getting some rose petals cuz I think they messy. It's like I'll clean these up.

So try not to get this EMI. I mean, I never have it on long. Like, am I doing something wrong? Ah.

So actually lounging around the house in my London. There are no kids in my life.

My dad or my mom or your boobies.

Like, like, you know, we lounging around on a Saturday watching TV like I'm in my

normal life. Maybe there a long time?

Yeah, I don't have these issues. Gotta leave me alone.

Broke someday. We're hungry. Yeah,

I can speak to that part. And I mean, I think Man, right, like, nobody would care half the time. Like they pull it to the side.

And be like, No, you're

right. Like sometimes it's not necessary, but for me, it's like a regular thing.

Yeah, so like to be completely open. I have not worn Lingerie in a really long time. I own laundry. I've even bought things more recently. Yeah, that would make me get once I was and I know this sounds clean. Am I doing nothing? Oh

agree. I think it's important because I think you were saying I don't know if this was in a different episode or if it was in this one but you were saying you want your man to like you want to feel desire by your man. And when I'm wearing my stuff I'm like I know

like I feel like you're either yourself yeah, no like You're like I know I'm desirable like so you don't necessarily need it from him.

So you actually put up yourself to in this hoping you like yeah

oh yeah, yeah, when I'm wearing lingerie, you know trying to take out no trash. No nothing crazy like you are I think it forces you to just like be in your femininity, you know? Yeah. No, I like it.

Oh, you lady to me that

yes. Go get some lingerie today. And I'm gonna put a plug like I know we all we spend a lot of money on lingerie and all that. But I'm like, I like to wear a lot of lingerie and I like to switch it up all the time. And I love matching sets and all that stuff. So I'm like yeah, go to Target like go the target or targets underwear game is yo they stepped it up they stepped it up like huge shout out to target because that's like figure out how to get some I like those sleep on the target lingerie. I mean there's also like the Marshalls, TJ Maxx and all those places to so it doesn't have to be this like huge expense, but like, you know, incorporate it in your like daily thing. It's good. Yeah. I mean, that's probably a romance to me. In romance your man Yes. Or your woman and get romance. I don't know how you get the man. You got to ask him about

like when you're doing all this so the thing that I've realized in my relationship most recently, is that when you're putting out like these things, these things, I mean, your partner just naturally is gonna be like, Am I doing what I need to do?

That's true. Yeah. And you didn't tell him if Yeah,

I think you don't have to tell him till now. Yeah,

I think that I think that oh, well there you have it ladies and gentlemen. romance ya man and get romance

until next time, guys

till next time yeah.

And we are Black Girl Fly.